So I woke up today and realized that I'm 23 years old. OH MY GOD when did this happen. I can honestly say that I have NO idea where the time went. I think about the past and I remember going to classes, skipping classes, going to parties, making friends and loosing friends. I remember the moments that mattered but I cannot conceive the fact that its been 5 years since I bought that first college textbook. I remember making these decisions about switching my major and thinking id be in school forever...and now here I am with a BA in Communication. But what scares me is that I'm not sure I am where I thought Id be. I had so many aspirations. I wanted to be a dancer, but of course that's not a realistic goal right? I fear that I let practicality replace originality and desire. I think about the things I would still like to do; get a masters degree, travel, write, get married. When I turn 28, will I accomplished everything I set out to do.
So then I have to think about whats been holding me back from pursuing my dreams. Fear of failure. I loved to dance. It was my physical, emotional, and creative release. It made me feel on top of the world. But in today's world you cannot make it as a dancer unless you are the best...and i wasn't the best. Who knows...maybe I could have been if I had pushed harder but endless auditions and with negative endings seems almost too much to bare. I just wasn't strong enough.
I want to write a book. Actually, I want to write lots of books. But again, The fact that my deepest feelings and creations could be rejected is absolutely terrifying. But what might be even more terrifying is to wake up five years from now and not accomplishing any of my dreams. So now I to push and keep pushing. I'll get there.
